Who is responsible for initiating the conversation after a time out?
How should the conversation begin after the initiation?
For example:
I feel: I feel lonely and like I don’t matter,
Need/Like: I would like for both of us to share some weekends together, as I value our time together and I feel more connected to you.
Saying something along these lines is an open invitation for your partner to become defensive and will try to prove you wrong.
So how about you try it for yourself:
I Feel:_____________
I need/would like:_____________
If the argument picks back up and it becomes too heated to stay focused, another break may be requested.
I often share with couples that it is okay to experience negative emotions when having a conversation or disagreement. These are normal reactions. What you want to avoid is the shutting down that may happen due to the negative emotions
Why should you implement this formula?
If couples are able to work through this correctly, they are more likely to feel heard, understood, and cared for. If done incorrectly, it may lead to feelings of loneliness, disrespect, and sadness.
If you would like to spend time on identifying what you experience emotionally and finding the best way to communicate this with your partner so you can both feel heard and understood, feel free to reach out to me. I specialize in working with couples and ensure that once couples are done with therapy, that they know the skill set to be vulnerable and how to validate each other. You may also take advantage of some of the online relationship classes offered and participate in the upcoming couples workshop.
Stay tuned as I will be sharing how to agree to disagree.
By: Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT
I specialize in working with couples and individuals to restore their relationships by utilizing research-based therapy techniques. Feel free to look at the online services offered through Modern Wellness Counseling and check out the client portal to conveniently schedule your next appointment.