It’s that time of year to start finding the perfect gift for everyone on your list. But when it comes to your partner, how do you find the right one? Do you know the gift your partner wants this holiday season?
While I would love to tell you just the right object you can buy them, there are way too many variables for this one!
So instead, I want to focus on a gift that will go beyond the holiday time frame and past the New Years Resolution goals (ahem past March).
Are you aware of the Platinum Rule?
The Platinum Rule goes beyond the Golden Rule which is to “treat others the way you would like to be treated” and instead “treat others the way they would like to be treated.”
I see this happening so often among couples in that they often treat and love each other the way they themselves would like to be loved, but forget to treat and love their partner the way their partner would like to be treated/loved.
So how do you figure out how you want to be loved or how your partner wants to be loved?
One quick way to do this is to take a moment to complete and reflect on your love language!
Seriously, click on the following link (complete the 5 love language quiz) to download the quiz and answer some questions that will give you your love language in order of what you prefer.
Be sure to be honest with yourself and answer what you are would prefer, not what you think your partner would want you to answer. Taking the time to learn about yourself will make it so much easier to have the conversation with your partner on how to utilize the Platinum Rule!
So here is a quick breakdown of the 5 different Love Languages.
- Quality Time: You feel valued and loved when your partner gives you their full attention and makes an effort to decrease distractions (e.g. phone use, T.V. volume).
- Words of Affirmation: You enjoy compliments and hearing why your partner loves you. Having your partner verbally express appreciation is important for you.
- Physical Touch: This doesn’t just mean sexual intimacy, but also includes holding hands, cuddling, or just a pat on the back. Physical closeness translates to love and care for you.
- Acts of Service: It’s all about what has been done. Helping around the house is the best way to know you are loved and appreciated.
- Receiving Gifts: This doesn’t mean that you are a materialistic person, but knowing that you are valued and the thoughtfulness that goes into the gift means so much for you!
If you are taking the 5 Love Language Quiz for the first time, take a moment and have a conversation with your partner. If you would like a chart that will breakdown what you can both be doing and saying and what you should not be doing or saying, based on your partner’s love language, click here to download it now! This chart is a great cheat sheet when it comes to talking about your Love Language expectations and how to implement the Platinum Rule!
If you enjoyed this activity and found that it gave you insight on yourself and your relationship, be sure to check out the Relationship Wellness Course that is packed with over 20 activities for you and your partner to complete together. See your relationship grow as this course takes you from learning about yourself, how to manage conflict, how to maintain intimacy, and how to be more involved in your community. The Relationship Wellness Course is a gift that your relationship will thank you for!
By: Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT
As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I work with individuals and couples to become aware of how to increase their love and affection towards others and their partner’s. Be sure to check out some of my other services to find quick ways to boost understanding and closeness in your relationship.
