Many young couples do not know that there may be a problem in their relationship. Here are some examples that I have seen occur when I work with younger couples.
1. Assume that their partner should “get them” without opening up to their partner
Some partners believe that because they are in a long term committed relationship, that their significant other should immediately know what is wrong with them or know how to help them. No one can read minds; therefore, it’s important to be able to let your partner know when something may be bothering or upsetting you. It also helps if you can open up in a way where you are inviting your partner into your life and if your partner is able to actively listen to what you are sharing.
2. Forgetting to talk about responsibilities and boundaries
This is a big one! Many couples disagree with each other over household chores and feeling that things in the home should be equal. Yes, there should be some shared responsibility, but naturally, it cannot always be an even split all the time. There will be times that one person will do more than the other partner, and it’s important to be able to talk to your partner the moment you may be feeling overwhelmed. This will avoid built up feelings of resentment.
3. Not wanting to break the positive energy by bringing up something negative
It’s great when things are going well and you are in complete bliss. But sometimes, bad things happen, it’s a part of life. Many partners fear that they cannot share what is bothering them with their significant other due to not wanting to ruin the mood. This often leads to holding everything in, which will eventually come out in a big argument down the road. I continuously tell couples that they are a team and should be able to rely on each other for support. To do this, both partner need to be able to know how to support each other and know that support can be given differently based on the other person’s needs.
4. Not being realistic with setting combined financial goals
As a couple in committed relationship, that means that you may have goals of wanting to take nice vacations together, wanting to someday buy a house, or be completely debt free! Let’s face it, this will take some effort to get there together. Having an open conversation on how the household income will be spent and saved and how that will impact your financial goals is important for long-term success.
5. Trying to fix the other person
No one has the power to genuinely change someone else. The only person you have control of is yourself. Being self-aware of how you played in an influence into what is going on in your relationship and making a personal change for your relationship is all you can do. Both partners must be willing to learn what can be improved in the relationship and be willing to change.
If some of these behaviors resonate with your relationship, do not worry! The good thing is that the behaviors and skills to fix these common mistakes can be taught if you are willing to learn. Check out my other post on updating your love maps as a way to get started. Feel free to contact me if you are ready to learn these relationship skills.
By Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT
I specialize in working with couples and individuals to restore their relationships by utilizing research-based therapy techniques. Feel free to look at the online services offered through Modern Wellness Counseling and check out the client portal to conveniently schedule your next appointment.