Ever been in a funk or thought “gosh I wish ____ actually was different.” Well it can be! A lot of work that I have done personally and with my clients has focused on changing one’s mindset and making hopeful thinking more of a reality through consistency and goal setting. There is also a benefit to your relationship when you sit down and set goals together with your partner.
And before I keep going, let me just clarify and say that setting goals does require having an open mind. There can be some negativity revolving around “New Years resolutions” or feeling defeated from past goals that were not met; but it can be different this time around! Let’s jump into why setting goals is important for your relationship.
You are more likely to achieve them if you write them down.
When you and your partner are able to take the time and write down goals, no matter how big or how small they may be, you are more likely to achieve them. In fact, a study performed by Dr. Matthews found that you become 42% more likely to reach your goals if you write them down consistently. Writing your goals down helps you stay focused and increases your attention to what actions you have to take to reach your goals. When you and your partner are able to do this together as a couple, you are able to create a sense of accountability. So take out a pen and a notepad and think of your goals related to your finances, health, relationships, career/occupation, and leisure.
You are both able to support each other and able to experience a sense of closeness with your partner. Taking the time to sit and dream with your partner about your future can definitely increase your feelings of closeness and connection. The reason for this is because it allows for a different kind of conversation the two of you can have together. You are able to ask follow up questions like:
- What would it mean to you if you reached that goal?
- How can I help support you in reaching this goal?
- What do we have to change about our lifestyle today to make that goal a reality
You and your partner feel more like a team.
If your goal is anything family, health, sleep, financial, home, or leisure related, chances are you may need the help and support of each other to reach the goal. Setting goals together can definitely help you both feel more on the same page as to what you want your life to look like in the future. In addition, this is a chance for both of you to contribute to a combined goal and/or how you can acknowledge and support each other as a teammate.
Some things to consider:
- If you have different methods to how a goal will be reached, how can you support each other in these differences?
- There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to setting goals. It’s okay to dream big and to create smaller goals to get there.
You are able to share about your own individual identity within your couple identity
I know this exercise is related to you and your partner completing together, but the goals set out do not have to only be “couple goals.” Be sure to share what goals are important to you personally and how your partner can support you.
- What new hobbies do you want to try?
- What habits do you want to incorporate?
- What habits do you want to stop?
- Any new career goals or changes you want to see happen in the new year.
Setting goals together can be a motivational conversation and a supportive one as well. If you find that your goals are different from each other or perhaps that they are not aligned, you can still find a way to get on the same page by practicing some active listening skills and empathy. Of course, this is easier said than done. You are welcome to give our office a call at (210) 706-0392 to schedule an appointment with one of our trained couples therapists or you may check out the online course Two Souls One Goal, which has some goal setting worksheets and prompts for you to think about during this activity.
By Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT, Owner of Modern Wellness Counseling
Priscilla specializes in working with couples and helping them learn ways to maintain their connection with each other. Priscilla utilizes research based techniques to help couples form a secure relationship foundation. Learn more on how you can enhance your relationship today.
