When passion and sex are no longer spontaneous, what do you do? Do you wait around and wait for the passion and spontaneity to “just happen” or do you take action and make it a priority with your partner.
Here are some tips to consider when you are trying to rekindle your sexual intimacy or wanting to maintain it over the long-term.

The best way to maintain passion in your relationship is to not let things get dull or boring.

  • Go on a fun date
  • Learn something new together
  • When thinking about sex, are there new positions or places you want to try?
    • Be sure to have this conversation first, so you know that both partners feel comfortable. Openly communicate what you are willing to do and not do.
  • Use a new massage oil or pick a new candle out together for your bedroom
  • Keep things new and exciting and go back to behaviors or acts that you have not done in a while (both sexually and non-sexually)

Let your partner know that you desire them.

  • Foreplay and showing interest in your partner, begins way before you ever get to the bedroom, not just the things you do right before you have intercourse.
    • Think of:
      • Holding hands
      • Dancing romantically
      • A massage
      • Giving a hug in the kitchen
      • Taking a few seconds to give each other a longer kiss, rather than just a peck
      • Physically reaching out to your partner

Ask yourself these following questions to see how you are maintaining intimacy in your relationship

  • ​Are you paying attention to your partner and creating an emotional connection?
  • Are you being selfless when this happens, without pressuring your partner to be sexually intimate?
    • Meaning are you trying to get close to your partner without expecting sex in return. When I see this happen among couples, it often leads to frustration and even anger. It’s best to take time to be physically close to each other just to build up the emotional connection, then it may lead to sexual intimacy.
  • Are you remembering to have fun together?
  • Are you making it a priority to schedule time in your schedule for an opportunity to be intimate?
    • If you have kids, different work schedules, or have a difficult time to even have a chance to be intimate because of your responsibilities, you both need to schedule a time to be intimate. If not, it will never happen.

​Remember to communicate what you both need to be “in the mood” and be in a mental state to be sexually intimate.  This can be different partners, and it’s okay.

Are you ready to make sure that sexual intimacy is maintained in your relationship? I encourage you to take some time and plan when you will engage in some of this tips shared with your partner. On a daily basis, remember to show some intimacy towards your partner. Remember, this does not necessarily mean sexual intercourse, it could be a massage, a hug, a kiss, or just any physical recognition towards your partner. Simply putting your hand on their back is fine too. 

If you would like to learn more about ways to maintain sexual intimacy in your relationship, be sure to check out this online relationship class that will provide you with a list of ideas on how to keep sexual intimacy new and exciting. You will also learn what the 5 steps are to master sexual intimacy in your relationship.

By: Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT

I specialize in working with couples and individuals to restore their relationships by utilizing research-based therapy techniques. Feel free to look at the online services offered through Modern Wellness Counseling and check out the client portal to conveniently schedule your next appointment.

Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT (she/her/hers)

Priscilla specializes in working with couples and individuals who want to strengthen their relationship with themselves and with others. Priscilla utilizes research based techniques to help clients implement healthy coping skills and communication skills. Learn more on how you can enhance your relationship today.

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